Me
Haagen Dazs (:
"You haven't seen a tree until you've seen its shadow from the sky." — Amelia Earhart

take me to the sky

11:57 pm hmm, this is reflection, so just skip if you're not interested. recently, i've been thinking alot about what if i don't get into arjay, you know, how i'll feel, how my attitude towards things might change and all. i used to think that i'll just cry like crap, like when i thought my parents insisted on me coming here. and then try and get over it. but lately, i've been thinking maybe this is really what it means to be a leader, to be bold enough to try new things, for the benefit of those that come after you, and like shifu said zeying told her, to leave a legacy.

mummy told me quite some time ago to see this entire experience as training, that this was the essence of pioneering, and that i should have the spirit in me. she probably said that at that time to convince me (and herself) that they didn't make the wrong decision for me. but really, for some reason, everytime something gets me down, i think of that, and what it really means to lead, and it gets me through the night, and the next, and the next.

and i don't know, maybe i think that whichever god i'm supposed to believe in and is watching over me, has decided to put me through this, but is also doing alot to help me through, i think that i've been extremely blessed to have been taught by many of the teachers that i have, (tragically) including mr ng. i wonder what my journey here would've been like without him. i mean, he might not necessarily have been the most positive influence, definitely was not one of the nice teachers who try to make everyone happy (it was so not fun when he sent like half the class out), but he has definitely affected my school life very directly, from the type of decisions i make, and now even to the way we ALL speak. (terrigible, CMI, xyjack axis). then there's mr yang, who is definitely instrumental in my change in attitude towards the school, putting me in a position where i can channel my energy into something useful and not spend majority of my time thinking of how much i hate school, and how i want to break this rule and or another (although there are some that are seriously just stupid). miss ching, for heading the art department, which is currently one thing for me to love. mr syed, ohmygods, like i know i can always talk to him, although he gives like lame advice. HAHAHA.

i mean even the negative aspects of the school is training an lessons to be learnt, because like miss audrey tan told me, at least that way, you know what you want, and what you don't.

and honestly really, i miss being part of the team, and part of the board, and even miss that hectic lifestyle to a certain extent because like cheryl teo said, the fun's in the coping, but this is a whole new adventure on it's own, with it's own challenges to overcome (dead people), and a heck lot of stress that comes with those challenges, with a whole new batch of fellow idiots (yes, i think that the few of us who decided to let them play dice with our education are idiots) who decided to come on such a journey, the road ahead might just be alright.

i mean i'll be missing out on lots that people that go to jc might have, but maybe, if i tried, there's more to learn here (not from the books) than i ever thought there was, if i just allow myself to.

i think that i might finally have figured out a way of like integrating what i've learnt in sc into what's happening here, with new input. and hope's there never fails to remind to hold on even when it seems like there's nothing more to hold on to, and no point holding on.

seems like i'm starting to accept the school, took me a year and half and plenty of good teachers and supportive friends (recess table and the team especially) who still bothered about me, and my SISTER and brothers, and my parents (although they still like ANNOY me) and of course, fellow IDIOTS! (: